What disrupts your inner peace?
For me, it’s anxiety that this reality is all we will ever know; that once we die, we never live again.
Many believe that inner peace can be achieved solely through faith of an afterlife or higher purpose.
..that this life is worth living and happiness is attainable.. as long as there’s something more.
But what if inner peace is only actually achieved when one can still produce happiness within oneself while accepting our lack of certainty that a higher purpose exists at all?
..through acceptance of not knowing.
..through appreciation of this life without the expectation of another.
In a prior writing: The Wandering Mind, I discussed my internal struggle with faith. For years I had been pursuing a genuine belief in God, or a higher purpose. I was living in persistent fear that nothing exists beyond this life. I was convinced that anxiety and depression were accompanying this lack of faith, and that inner peace was unattainable for me.
To bring you up to speed, I have been on a “spiritual journey” attempting to decipher what I believe in and why. I had been striving to uncover clarification to inexplicable questions like “where did we come from, why are we here, and where do we go after this?” But it has become apparent to me that there is no “correct” or proven answer, just faith. This has caused so much unnecessary stress and anxiety in my life. I had been constantly worrying over the inevitable phenomenon of death in which I have zero control over. So after years of unresolvable anxiety, I’ve decided that enough is enough and taught myself to not only accept, but be grateful for, this life that I am experiencing.
Growing up, I had very loving and protective parents who did their best to shelter me from the endangerments of society. Because of this, you could say I had a lot of FOMO as a kid. So when I started college, independence hit me like a train. I was finally out of my parents’ house, making my own decisions, and being responsible for myself. All of this freedom took quite a toll on me, and I went through a phase of overindulgence. I went out as much as I could, I was fueled on greasy takeout and salty gas station food, and I drank boxed wine like I was getting paid to do it. At the time, I truly thought I was in my happiest, most fulfilling years, so this remained my lifestyle all throughout college. Once I graduated, life began to feel a bit nonsensical.
After spending practically my whole life in school, it was now time to find a job, find a place to live, and start a meaningful life. So I continued going through the motions of it all. I found a job, not easily, but I found one. I moved into an apartment with my boyfriend, and I just continued to live my life. During this adjustment period, I began to go through an existential crisis. I no longer had the constant distractions that I once had in college, and began to really question this reality. I questioned if it had a meaning, or any value, and I questioned if I had a purpose here. I fell into a state of prolonged unhappiness and nonfulfillment. I eventually recognized that it was time to fix myself and seek out inner peace.
Christianity was my first stop on this spiritual journey, and I was blessed enough to have a personal experience that would boost my faith in a higher purpose. To this day, I still believe that something divine happened to me at an evangelical meeting in Pittsburgh. When I fell to the floor under the power of the Holy Spirit, and laughed and shivered from the intensity of the experience, I just knew that there was more to this life; more that I have yet to understand. That touch from God cured me of my anxiety and doubt for weeks, but eventually the high dissipated. I began questioning everything all over again, trying to make sense of what had happened to me. Yes, doubt consumed me once more, but this stop on the road was not for nothing. I am eternally grateful for that experience with God, and my faith is now stronger than it ever was, but deep down I knew I had not yet discovered true inner peace.
I once thought that going to church, or practicing organized religion, was the only way to express spirituality and achieve inner peace. But what if the spiritual journey could be a more personal and introspective practice?
Somewhere along the way on this spiritual endeavor, I became intrigued by Buddhism.
Many people practice Buddhism as a religion, while others believe it is more of a philosophy based on gratefulness and mindfulness. I think what separates Buddhism from other religions the most, is the fact that it does not involve the worshipping of a God.
The Buddha, also known as Siddhartha Gautama, was born a prince in the 6th century B.C. When he was a young boy, it was prophesied that he would either become a great king or a great spiritual leader. In hopes that he would become a great king, his father, King Suddhodana shielded him from religious knowledge of any kind. The king worried that exposure to human hardships would lead Siddhartha to spirituality, so he raised his son in seclusion. But Siddhartha grew curious and would often leave the palace against his father’s wishes. He soon discovered the harsh truth of human suffering: homelessness, disease, and death. Thus beginning The Buddha’s journey to enlightenment. After reading this story, I became very interested in mindfulness, meditation, and yoga. These practices are highly impactful tools for converting from a negative to a positive mindset.
A state of mindfulness is achieved when one is fully present, aware of where they are and what they’re doing, and not overly reactive to what’s going on around them. While practicing mindfulness, one may gain insight and awareness of themselves, and others, through observing their own mind.
One of the most important aspects of mindfulness is being self-aware and practicing compassion and empathy for others. We all know the golden rule: “treat others as you would want to be treated.” This is applied in many religious outlooks, and is the general rule of humanity in order to live peacefully amongst each other. Many of us can achieve a sense of happiness and fulfillment through showing kindness to others; feeling what they feel; expressing empathy; and seeing the smile on their face as a result of a simple act of kindness. Doesn’t it feel good to receive love, help, and understanding from others? Well imagine that the strangers around you also feel that same gratitude when you express that kindness to them. Pay it forward, be the change you wish to see in the world.
Another aspect of mindfulness is diving deep into your own psyche, and fixing whatever it is that needs fixed in you. It could be anger, hatefulness, shame, regret, depression, anxiety, PTSD, low self-esteem, etc. Only you can figure out what it is that’s holding you back from true happiness. Learning to live in harmony amongst everyone around you is one thing, but learning to love yourself and live happily within yourself, is another.
I believe the key ingredient to inner peace is gratefulness. The hard part is figuring out how to attain and maintain this state of gratitude. Many of us are accustomed to pessimism. Suffering seems to be written in our DNA. So one may have to, in a sense, rewire their own brain and completely change their way of thinking to achieve gratefulness. But that’s okay, Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Meditation is a highly effective, yet under utilized practice. To meditate is to think deeply or focus one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for religious or spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation. Meditation has helped me immensely in understanding myself, determining what keeps me from being at a peace, and learning how to be grateful.
To me, meditation is like running a self diagnostic test, like on a computer. It helps me to assess my internal issues, and figure out how to solve them. Keep in mind that there are many forms of meditation, and there is no “right” way to do it. But I will share with you how I prefer to practice meditation.
Firstly, find a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed. You will want to sit or lie down in a comfortable position, I prefer to sit “Indian style” with my back straight and hands resting on my knees. Once comfortable, begin to focus on your breathing. This is probably the most important part. Take long, deep breaths in, and long, deep breaths out. Continue to focus on just breathing, until your mind is free of all thinking and clutter. For me, it can be challenging to shut off my thoughts, so I will just say to myself, “in..” while I breathe in, and “out..” while I breathe out. This keeps me focused and prevents distracting thoughts from entering my mind. This process allows me to slow down for a moment, and listen to my mind, body and soul; to disconnect from the busy world around me, and just.. BE.
Once I feel calm, and empty of all chatter in my head, I begin to allow my thoughts to come back to me. I don’t seek out any thoughts in particular, I just let them slowly gravitate back. Usually, the first thoughts to arise are current stressors in my life. For example, the coronavirus. Next, I will assess why and how this affects my inner peace. I acknowledge and accept my feelings and thoughts. I acknowledge my fear: fear of change - that society may never be the same, and fear of the unknown - that I may lose people I love, or that I may become sick, lose my own life and never have the chance to live or love again. Then I ask myself, why does this scare me? And I realize that I am in fact happy to be alive, and thankful to have these people in my life who I love and care about. Despite how hard life can be, despite all of the times I took it for granted, I’ve now determined that I don’t want my life to be cut short. And this is how I discovered that I can turn negative thoughts into positive ones. Instead of worrying about things that are out of my control, I can learn to accept them and respond with gratefulness.
Before meditating on it, I was having constant negative thoughts about the pandemic we are experiencing. I was worried about civilization and how it would be affected negatively, instead of choosing to see how it may be affected positively. Maybe there is a silver lining here. This pandemic could spark awareness, gratitude, and a total shift in society. The coronavirus has provided us with a reality check - we don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone. But we have the power to choose how we respond to an inconvenience or crisis, and we must be aware of our ability to do so. I’ve been fearful that this pandemic could be the beginning of an apocalypse, but maybe I should instead be thankful that I’ve gotten to experience this world at all, and potentially the peak of humanity, how cool! I’ve been worrying that I could lose loved ones, instead of being grateful that I’ve had the pleasure to love them at all. I have been feeling bitter that I have to continue to work during this global crisis; that I don’t get a break or “mental health vacation” like many others do. But, looking at it from a positive perspective, I see that I should be thankful that I have a job and income, while others are worrying about their bills and whether or not they’ll be able to feed their families. I should be thankful that I’m able to get out of my apartment and socialize with my clients and coworkers, while my family and friends are isolated at home and deprived of human interaction each day. It’s so easy to compare your struggles to those of the people around you, but I’ve learned that comparison will only rob you of happiness and gratefulness.
It’s very easy to fall back into negative thought patterns, just like a drug addiction. You must practice this positive thinking each day. Some days will be easier than others and that’s okay, you’re only human. Keep in mind that you must want to change your thoughts, and choose to be grateful for meditation to be effective in attaining inner peace. View it as treatment, or therapy, not a cure. Thankfully, meditation is a tool that is always available to you. You only need yourself.
If you’re looking for a more physical outlet, yoga is another form of meditation that is widely practiced for health and relaxation. To practice yoga is to practice mindfulness of the body, and it is so necessary to tend to our physical health in order for our mental health to flourish.
I have struggled with motivation to exercise for most of my life, until I decided to give yoga a chance. It was very intimidating at first.. with all of the different poses and foreign lingo. So I started out by simply watching videos on YouTube, and with the help of yoga apps that I downloaded on my smart phone. Before I knew it, yoga had become a part of my daily routine. Not only had it helped me to decompress mentally, but it had helped me to relieve muscle tension and chronic back pain, as well as lose weight and build strength and flexibility. For me personally, yoga has been the most beneficial practice, I would even say a cure-all. It has many benefits that meditation has, in that it helps me to slow down, disconnect, and listen to my body and mind. The breath work mixed with the flow of different poses and stretches has worked wonders for me overall. I actually have fun practicing yoga; working on a certain pose each day until I master it. It has provided me with self-confidence, improved patience, a sense of accomplishment, and most importantly inner peace.
I once believed that having unwavering faith in a higher purpose is the only way to feel at peace. What I discovered through consistent practice of mindfulness, meditation and yoga is that inner peace can actually be cultivated within myself. I accept my incognizance that anything exists beyond this world and I am grateful without the promise of something more. I am so happy to be alive and experiencing this miracle called life, making memories with the ones I love, and making the most of each moment I am granted. This way of thinking may be hard to achieve and may take years of practice. I didn’t just flip a switch and become an optimist over night. Being aware of each negative thought to enter my mind and being able to change them to a positive took a lot of mental energy and self-accountability.
I had been searching for a deeper meaning practically my whole life; miserable with anxiety and hopelessness. Now I can say that I am finally at peace, even without having all of the answers I’d been searching for. I believe through acceptance and gratefulness of this crazy, unexplainable, magnificent life, one may be able teach themself how to see life as a gift, rather than a prison or routine that we are forced to endure. Just remember this one thing - meditation is the best medication.